| Follow my dreams? I ask them where they're going and hook up with them later |
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| Screw you up the chocolate starfish by defaulting my settings for me. |
[Dec. 12th, 2009|10:00 pm] |
While I've been working with computers, and "technically" programming them since I was four years old and had my first experience matching letters on the keyboard one at a time to the pictures in the book on the TI-99 my male biological progenitor got into serious trouble for charging on a credit card he opened for that purpose alone, I've always had a real problem with people who can't handle the differences between progress, efficiency, and the relative choices thereof.
Without any doubt regarding my life so far and with a little bit of experience under my proverbial hat, I can easily say that "Most people want things to work the way they expect them to".
This point is precisely where I lose step with both the commercial software and the gaming industries. I'll be getting to my point in a moment, which makes me sound like Joss Whedon and shames me as a result.
I'm fairly certain that everyone who is reading this remembers counting birthdays in single digits and fractions. (I'm five and three quarters! -- right beyond "this many".) At that age, before you turn into double-digits of birthdays or so, the primary question is: "Why?".
"Why?" is a question that endures no matter how old we get. Most of us who are not emo whiny bastards voice it less than others, but it's generally there.
So, as a 32 year old adult child of video gaming, a person who has used a 2400 baud modem to dial a university's bbs or download a single porn jpg in 30 parts of a rar file over the house's only phone line over and over again while his parents were asleep and even wrote a batch script to rename them from jpg files to .x files in a different directory so his parents wouldn't run across them, (easier to hide than playboys when you are 12) I have to wonder.
Why are video games still telling me I have to move with W A S and D instead of the arrow keys?
There were no arrow keys on anything but apple computers that long ago unless you went to efforts.
YET 23 YEARS LATER NEARLY EVERYTHING STILL DEFAULTS TO WASD.
I don't mind re-mapping other keys, but I get REALLY cranky when WASD is the unalterable default for forward, left, down, and right. Note that I say "unalterable" because some games will not let you change the key assignments. I wouldn't bother ranting if I could change it, heck, I'd even hack in a patch and make it available for everyone if I could find it, but I am sick to my death of keyboard orientation circa 19whoopswdecade!
The mouse was invented in the 1960's
The arrow key setup was invented in the 1980's
IT'S 2009!
WE DO NOT HAVE SHITTY KEYBOARDS WITH NO PERIPHERALS. WE HAVE MORE PERIPHERALS THAN WE CAN PLUG IN AT ONCE.
Organize your key layout the way you want to, but stop forcing defaults on people who didn't endure the technology draught.
Curse you out loud, Interface developers. |
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| Oh, the irony. |
[Oct. 31st, 2008|05:20 pm] |
This just goes to show you that no matter what upbringing, race, creed, or religion could possibly be out there, it will always contain at least SOME people who do ~~REALLY STUPID THINGS~~.
Just. Wow.
Mooby - watch out, it's Matt Damon! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 12th, 2008|02:56 am] |
You're feeling: unprepared
To your left: Pine needles
On your mind: The upcoming two-week-long business trip to Wisconsin.
Last meal included: Pizza Rolls!
You sometimes find it hard to: find time to myself
The weather: is something i wish people would stop talking about in the goddamn men's room
Something you have a collection of: polished rocks
A smell that cheers you up: That one glade plug-ins scent they don't make anymore. We used to play D&D in the storage room of greg's apartment. They always had one of those plugged in up there.
A smell that can ruin your mood: running dishwasher with bleached foodbits smell
How long since you last shaved: stubble removal? 3 days. Full Beard Trim and shaping? 2 weeks.
The current state of your hair: ruffled by headphones
The largest item on your desk/workspace (not computer): Large plastic bookends with handweights in them stacked on top of a bunch of stuff to keep the cat from swatting my LCD monitor from over-top and behind.
Your skill with chopsticks: 7-year-old japanese kid.
Which section you head for first in a bookstore: tie: Sci-fi/Fantasy or Computer
Something you're craving: vacation
Your general thoughts on the presidential race: Mobius Strip
How many times have you been hospitalized this decade: none, just barely.
Favorite place to go for a quiet moment: Toilet + Beer + RSS over phone
You've always secretly thought you'd be a good: Sleeper Assassin
Something that freaks you out a little: Dentists
Something you've eaten too much of lately: Belligerent people Oh. Eaten. Um. Doritos.
You have never been: comfortable in pants or socks
You never want to become: unable to grow |
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| An Archbishop of Canterbury Tale |
[Feb. 13th, 2008|09:15 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Bill Bailey - Pubbe Song | ] |
News Story
Heere Bigynneth the Tale of the Asse-Hatte.
1 Whan in Februar, withe hise global warmynge
2 Midst unseasonabyl rain and stormynge
3 Gaia in hyr heat encourages
4 Englande folke to goon pilgrimages.
5 Frome everiches farme and shire
6 Frome London Towne and Lancanshire
7 The pilgryms toward Canterbury wended
8 Wyth fyve weke holiday leave extended
9 In hybryd Prius and Subaru
10 Off the Boughton Bypasse, east on M2.
11 Fouer and Twyntie theye came to seke
12 The Arche-Bishop, wyse and meke
13 Labouryte and hippye, Gaye and Greene
14 Anti-warre and libertyne
15 All sondry folke urbayne and progressyve
16 Vexed by Musselmans aggressyve.
17 Hie and thither to the Arche-Bishop's manse
18 The pilgryms ryde and fynde perchance
19 The hooly Bishop takynge tea
20 Whilste watching himselfe on BBC.
21 Heere was a hooly manne of peace
22 Withe bearyd of snow and wyld brows of fleece
23 Whilhom stoode athwart the Bush crusades
24 Withe peace march papier-mache paraydes.
25 Sayeth the pilgryms to Bishop Rowan,
26 "Father, we do not like howe thynges are goin'.
27 You know we are as Lefte as thee,
28 But of layte have beyn chaunced to see
29 From Edinburgh to London-towne
30 The Musslemans in burnoose gowne
31 Who beat theyr ownselfs with theyr knyves
32 Than goon home and beat theyr wyves
33 And slaye theyr daughtyrs in honour killlynge
34 Howe do we stoppe the bloode fromme spillynge?"
35 The Bishop sipped upon hys tea
36 And sayed, "an open mind must we
37 Keep, for know thee well the Mussel-man
38 Has hys own laws for hys own clan
39 So question not hys Muslim reason
40 And presaerve ye well social cohesion."
41 Sayth the libertine, "'tis well and goode
42 But sharia goes now where nae it should;
43 I liketh bigge buttes and I cannot lye,
44 You othere faelows can't denye,
45 But the council closed my wenching pub,
46 To please the Imams, aye thaere's the rub."
47 Sayeth the Bishop, strokynge his chin,
48 "To the Mosque-man, sexe is sinne
49 So as to staye in his goode-graces
50 Cover well thy wenches' faces
51 And abstain ye Chavs from ribaldry
52 Welcome him to our communitie."
53 "But Father Williams," sayed the Gaye-manne
54 "Though I am but a layman
55 The Mussleman youthes hath smyte me so
56 Whan on streets I saunter wyth my beau."
57 Sayed the Bishop in a curt replye
58 "I am as toolrant as anye oothere guy,
59 But if Mussleman law sayes no packynge fudge,
60 Really nowe, who are we to judge?"
61 Then bespake the Po-Mo artist,
62 "My last skulptyure was hailed as smartest
63 Bye sondry criticks at the Tate
64 Whom called it genius, brillyant, greate
65 A Jesus skulpted out of dunge
66 Earned four starres in the Guardian;
67 But now the same schtick withe Mo-ha-med
68 Has earned a bountye on my hed."
69 Sayed the Bishop, "that's quyte impressyve
70 To crafte a Jesus so transgressyve
71 But to do so with the Muslim Prophet
72 Doomed thy neck to lose whats off it.
73 Thou should have showen mor chivalrie
74 In committynge such a blasphemie."
75 And so it went, the pilgryms all
76 Complaynynge of the Muslim thrall;
77 To eaches same the Bishop lectured
78 About the cultur fabrick textured
79 With rainbow threyds from everie nation
80 With rainbow laws for all situations.
81 "But Father Rowan, we bathyr nae one
82 We onlye want to hav our funne!"
83 "But the Musselman is sure to see
84 Thy funne as Western hegemony.
85 'Tis not Cristian for Cristians to cause
86 The Moor to live by Cristendom's laws
87 Whan he has hise sovereyn culture
88 Crist bade us put ours in sepulture.
89 To be divyne we must first be diverse
90 So cheer thee well, thynges could be wors
91 Sharia is Englishe as tea and scones,
92 So everybody muste get stoned."
93 The pilgryms shuffled for the door
94 To face the rule of the Moor;
95 Poets, Professors, Starbucks workers
96 Donning turbans, veils and burqqas.
97 As they face theyr fynal curtan
98 Of Englande folk, one thynge is certan:
99 Dying by theyr own thousande cuts,
100 The Englande folk are folking nuts.
101 BURMA SHAVE |
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| This moment brought to you by foobar2000's media player and a healthy helping of Hambargain Helpus. |
[Jan. 25th, 2008|03:22 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hyper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Dillinger Four - [Midwestern Songs Of The Americas #12] "Honey, I Shit the Hot Tub." | ] |
( I like colorful clothing in the sun cause it doesn't remind me of anything )
In other news, I just had a riot tonight discussing ridiculously complex statistical calculations that I only *started* to get the hang of once I'd refreshed my concepts of mean, median, standard deviation, confidence intervals, and how sigma and standard deviation affect bell curve trust in a statistical sense over time with regards to constantly adjustied...yeah, anyway, that was a fun basic discussion that really busted my behind because I'm trying to figure out how to translate some matlab -> fortran -> C++ -> C# conversions that may need to get tossed into a TSQL Stored proc and figuring out how the math would work. Anyone know advanced calc and statistic functions in SQL Server 2000? (C# would be easy in 2005, but no dice in 2000)
Totally not my area of expertise, but I love challenging projects for at least the discussion and though. No stake or pay in this one, so it's purely for fun.
So long as we can get along and things get tested, this will come out with actual code.
I'm totally excited for now, but we'll see how well that works as people give each other the programming equivalent of atomic wedgies. |
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| An honest and incognito superhero |
[Dec. 28th, 2007|01:24 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Oasis - Don't look back in anger | ] |
Carlos Santana is the Stan Lee of the guitar world.
Everything he touches gains a bit of grace, divinity, and glory in the truly absorbtive sense.
Nevermind what anyone else does, if he has a hand in it, it will possess and summarily reveal itself over time. |
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| This one's for the Remtacular one |
[Dec. 11th, 2007|11:40 pm] |
Okay, so you may have seen this already, but just in case I ran across this first, I had to link it.
I imagine the first cybernetic neural interface devices will produce an effect very much like this one:
Ultimate Power 2, Very Naughty Edition
I'm currently reading Civil War (tossed my direction by the wonderful Spleenmaster, because I never get out to Comic Book Stores these days) just so I can follow this:
I don't need your Civil War
And now back to my regularly scheduled evening of activities, which currently look a lot like this:
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 21st, 2007|03:11 pm] |
1) Name five favorite movies.
A Clockwork Orange, Dune (Sci-fi Channel version), Blade, The Big Lebowski, The Hunt for Red October. (Note that these are five of my favorites, not my top five favorite movies. I answered the question via the grammar tense it was asked in)
2) Name four areas of interest you became interested in after you were done with your formal education.
After? Uhhh...My constant interests from before are far more captivating because I was being "formally educated" until I was 27 or so, but ok, I can roll with super limited.
Audio and Video file conversion, WSH VbScript via cscript.exe instead of wscript.exe, Command line FTP syntax on multiple OS platforms, and putting every possible decent and functional third party application that I can onto a windows mobile 6 smartphone in an effort to make it more like PalmOS.
I really wish I could answer this question with: "Ancient Egyptian Language, Playing Cello, Linux, and Cooking Indian Food" though. Fie on this meme for it's strictly worded questions.
3) Name three things you would change about this world.
I'd like to eliminate Communication barriers (which result in everyone getting all uppity cause they either assume or just plain interpret what is being said incorrectly), Remove the class/caste paradigm entirely (making success entirely the product of a person's spirit and not their situation), and convert everyone who currently works in marketing, advertising, and sales into true philanthropers.
4) Name two of your favorite childhood toys.
A plastic space shuttle complete with opening bay doors and my bedspread, which was made out of denim that used to be pairs of jeans for my father, grandfather, and uncles. That thing was host to more G.I. Joe v. Stuffed animal battles than any other surface in the house. The stuffed animals usually won. Potbelly bears are much bigger than a Snake Eyes action figure.
5) Name one person you could be handcuffed to for a full day.
Three-way tossup that would depend on whether I was taking the lead, the other person was taking the lead, or we were alternating.
In no particular order:
My former bandmate Russ Schiedler, teh Mattsiah, and Rich Shepardson, a.k.a the guy who plays the Troll at fest. |
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| The newest party craze? Wilted Lettuce Salad. |
[Jun. 10th, 2007|09:37 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  curious | ] |
And you'd apparently better be damned sure whatever you're pouring over the lettuce is exactly as warm as it should be.
Drunken thugs unite!!!!111.....over dinner and aperitifs.
GRAND CHUTE, Wis. (AP) - One robber's list of things to steal included whiskey, a thermometer and lettuce.
Police were called to a grocery store late Thursday after witnesses said a 46-year-old man from Brown Deer threatened employees. The workers said the man gestured as though he had a concealed gun and told them he would shoot.
The man left with 12 bottles of whiskey, two heads of lettuce and a digital thermometer, police said.
Officers found a vehicle in a nearby neighborhood that matched a description given by store employees. The man was taken into custody and identified from store surveillance video.
Seriously, what the....? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 4th, 2007|02:10 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
The really usury ones like auto insurance. You can't legally drive without it, but you don't need it until someone else fucks up and crashes into you.
2. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
My living room floor.
3. Do you regret losing your virginity to who you lost it to?
Yeah, but more than that, I regret that she snuck me in for a "trim" at Rocco Altobelli with her sister who was a hair stylist and cut nine fucking inches off of my hair cause she wanted me to look like another musician she'd fucked previously. I totally should have seen that coming. She was a complete twatwaffle.
4. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?
I'd probably go back in time and school myself a bit so I didn't cause as much damage as I have to people I care about. I'm kinda unsure about time travel though, having never done it, so probably nothing.
5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Mrs. Marilyn Morrison. She filmed me with a camcorder as I was fucking around in class and had the tape sent to my parents, who took me to a child psychologist, who subsequently said "he's not acting out, he's bored with school. Give him something entertaining to do." She was NOT happy with that answer.
6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Temporarily flipping the bird to everyone and everything and passing out for about a week. After that, I want a good hard problem to solve.
7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
Astronaut.
8. How many colleges did you attend?
WTF kinda weirdo question is this? People typically attend more than one? *waves dick around*
One. No Eight. Yeah. I swear. I have 3 PhD's. One of them is in Annelid Physiogonomy.
9. Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
It was long enough to hide my gut.
10. What are your thoughts on gas prices?
Greed is fucking lame. People need to grow a pair.
11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you?
Anywhere I can have about five acres of land, trees, and a blazing fast internet connection. The closer to where I am now, the better.
12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
ERS, this is Mark. Shit. Not the phone. *snore*
13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
Whoa. This movie doesn't suck as much as I thought it did. And this Leelo chick is kinda cute. I need another beer...*snore*
14. Favorite style of underwear?
Bold colored Satin on a cute chick. Something that shapes the behind properly and has a thin crotch line. Thongs R Gross.
16. What errand/chore do you despise?
Anything that makes me walk or drive in order to complete it. I'll totally abandon that. I'd live off of lint and post-it notes for days at a time if I wasn't in the mood to grocery shop.
17. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
I already volunteer a butt-ton. It's mostly involuntary, but I actually get a serious kick out of solving computer problems. Good thing I do it for a living, I guess.
18. Get up early or sleep in?
Go back to bed 10 times at least, which qualifies as sleeping in, I suppose.
19. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Danger Mouse... or maybe Peter Griffin.
20. Favorite thing to do at night with a girl/guy?
Chat about esoteric shit. Maybe over IM. Barring that, watch geeky movies and drink like fish while giggling.
21. Have you found real love yet?
Yup. I have two cats that have chosen to adopt me.
The wife thing is pretty neat too.
22. When did you first start feeling old?
When I was 3 and I realized having my ass paddled for something I didn't do was stupid. I stood there and took it, they weren't happy.
23. Favorite 80's movie?
Dune. It's so fucking cheezy, yet good. Barring that, Princess Bride.
24. Your favorite lunch meat?
Turkey. Preferably the cheap ass Carl Buddig variety.
25. What do you get every time you go into Sam's Club?
Anaphylactic shock from yuppie white trash exposure.
26. Beach or lake?
Lake. Complete with beer, fishing line, bean bag, and no fucking fish whatsoever.
27. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
Marriage is like prom. Too many expectations, lots of disappointment, and a much simpler drama-free solution readily at hand.
28. Do you own property?
Unless we count those programmers in India, I only own a house.
29. Favorite guilty pleasure?
I listen to Oasis. Furthermore I really actually like Lounge Music.
30. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
I suppose since I own 4 seasons of the Highlander TV series on VHS, I *should* have things I wouldn't want anyone to find out about, but I have no shame.
31. What's your drink?
Alcoholic. Preferably not of the wood alcohol variety.
32. Cowboys or Indians?
Injuns. They have cool accents and tend to make all sorts of bitter, cynical social commentary.
33. Cops or Robbers?
Pinkertons.
34. Who from high school would you like to run into?
The guy who led the choir. He sang at my mother's best friend's wedding. He'd probably like to know that he was right and I actually CAN sing, even though I avoided him like the plague at the time.
35. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
Cassette tape.
36. Norm or Cliff?
Sam, I think. He'd need some Groucho Marx fake costume glasses first, though. As far as stage entry goes, Sam already leads with his crotch, might as well go all the way. Oh wait. I didn't answer the question. (sheeple)Cliff(/sheeple).
37. 'The Cosby Show' or 'The Simpsons'?
Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos.
38. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
Not fucking the hell out of Katie when i was in High School. I would have been MUCH less emo if I'd just poked her. Coulda saved me a lot of trouble later on.
39. Do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work?
Personally? Hell yeah. Professionally? Total Fucking Douchenozzle.
40. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Tom Waits or Tori Amos.
41. Indoors or Outdoors
Indoors. No sunlight. Lots of fans or background noise, and preferably a shit-ton of computers.
42. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
Totaled my first. Still pissed. It had bench seats in the front.
43. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
Not that I recall, but have actually sprayed someone with one that had a low meter. It was kinda lame. It just spewed forward in a very unemphatic hissing fashion.
44. Last book you read for real?
Grendel: Four Devils, One Hell.
45. Do you have a teddy bear?
Several. I tend to stack them up in a pile and put my topmost leg at a right angle, rested on top of them cause I'm big and it's easier on my hips to sleep that way. Also, I am a whiny wuss.
46. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
Over a trough urinal full of leaves. With a toothbrush of questionable virtue. No, I didn't swish from the trough, I used whisky. Sometimes the tooth-sweaters are just that bad and require copious scrubbing that napkins will not suffice for, and hey...booze kills germs.
47. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to?
I'd say "A cabin" but in california, that's pretty much anywhere more than a mile and a half away from the nearest fast food restaurant.
48. Do you go to church?
I work for closed-minded sheep. I can't see any reason to spend time in a building that has a much higher percentage of that demographic than most anywhere else. That'd be an emphatic no.
49. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or a new relationship?
Neither. That's a dumb question and depends entirely on the severity of said change.
50. Just how OLD are you?
29 going on Yoda. |
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| A kindergartner says: "A 'dude' is an ingrown butt hair" |
[May. 20th, 2007|12:01 am] |
I'd forgotten how fervently that particular reference was invoked when I was in elementary school until recently ("are you a dude? *child's desire to fit in forces agreement and subsequently elicits laughter from peers* hahaha! you're in ingrown butthair! a dude is an ingrown butthair!") and I have no idea if it was unique to the town of Algona, Iowa, but I digress.
On friday night, Meghan got part of her toe amputated.
Something about an incorrectly colored freckle, but since they mentioned AFTER the operation that she needed to keep her foot elevated above her heart constantly for two weeks (how the fuck does that work without a paid leave of absence from your job?) I decided that, under the circumstances, now was the right time for hot dogs.
Enter Uncle Franky's.
After absconding with a chili dog (mustard, cheese, onions), a custom polish chicago dog (onions, tomatoes, nuclear green relish, hot peppers, sauerkraut, onions, and celery salt) a box of fries, a root beer, and a ghirardelli chocolate malt made from hand-scooped icecream, it was time to hit the liquor store for coconut rum.
Because surgery causes foot pain, you see.
Aside from the coconut rum, I picked up a gift set of "Isle of Jura" scotch, (mostly because of the kick-ass glasses, but islay malts are all sorts of cool in their own right), and a new leinenkugel's seasonal blend.
A shandy.
Finally.
I used to hit Kieran's for harp shandy years ago, but they had trouble keeping the TK lemonade in stock and sprite or crappy lemonade does not a shandy make. (most people can't mix a shandy proportionally to save their lives, myself included)
Since that portion of this afternoon's episode, my evening has included sitting next to meghan as she played several hours of tetrisphere (and fetching or cooking things as needed) and getting starcraft to install for the first time in years. Which is what I'm about to go back to.
Well, that and running laundry up and down the stairs cause I'm due to fly out to ohio monday night.
And preparing for my first band gig in over a year. (playing a wedding, apparently)
Life is busy, but in my opinion that means I'm living the fuck out of it, which "is indeed good, right, and salutary.", thank you Martin Luther. |
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| Ok, this I just have to write about. |
[Apr. 27th, 2007|01:21 am] |
There is jack shit for liquor stores out here. I have yet to see a single one. (Note to self: Next time that food and wine bill for grocery stores comes up, call your congressman and make a resounding "no" vote. It really does kill small businesses.)
After today, I could have used a liquor store for a nice nightcap, but no dice. Not to be deterred, I hit a grocery store. They have HUGE wine aisles, bigger than most of our neighborhood liquor stores back home, and the beer they carry is the real stuff, (no 3.2% in this state) including a few different belgian living yeast bottles for (*gasp*) $9 each. (ow my fscking wallet. Those get to stay there.) But they have it, which shows taste at least. (I miss my small businesses.)
So I'm standing at this wine aisle, looking at it for about 15 minutes, examining every bottle hoping something will stand out. You know, the kind of semi-decent stuff I can buy back home without breaking the bank. A Chateau St. Michelle Gewurtztraminer, or that 2005 st. urbans-hof Riesling, or something of about that grade only red. Names escape me, I'm still kinda struggling to understand what happened here.
As I'm standing there, a guy walks up, picks his wine out and goes back to shopping. He's rocking his stained dickies like the short, skinny, greasy, cigarette smoking, construction worker-meets-trailer trash-meets-grizzled vietnam pilot-meets-auto mechanic that he may be. Might have been wearing coveralls, I'm not sure at this point. It doesn't really matter except to note that he stood out cause he was about half of Gareth's height, a whole hell of a lot grizzlier, scarred, and starved-looking, and walked like a hick. I'm not sure how hicks walk, but I think he demonstrated fairly well. Anyway, he's grabbed his bottle and walked off as I'm being passed by heavily accented foreigners talking on cheap cell phones and bickering over whether they're getting a case of icehouse or a case of blatz to go with their evening.
I continue looking.
Apparently the aforementioned fellow made his loop through the store and stopped back for more wine cause he stops me and says:
"Whatchy'all lookin' for?"
Not expecting to be bothered by these southern "rednecks in the mist" who rarely seem to ask me anything outside of polite smalltalk, I actually blurted out what I was after instead of responding with disinterested politeness.
I stammer and manage to get out:
"Tokay...uhh. Bull's blood. It's a red."
He responds:
"A hungarian import? Maybe if you went up the road to Total Wines they'd have some in stock, but not 'round here. That's just up Capital on the left near Best Buy 'bout a half mile."
...woah...wait..... What the fuck?!??!?!!?
He continues:
"To be honest, that Bull's blood ain't all that though. Runs me about twhen-tee-ate a bottle and I can usually find a decent blend varietal a lot cheaper if I pay special mind to what I'm looking at." He then proceeds to give me what might have been 10 minutes of chatter about wines while looking at me and poking around the racks a bit, including a few seemingly properly pronounced french terms that I was too shocked to soak up. They even sounded like they were in context.
Then he pauses, looks at me intently, and says "Bull's blood, right? Try this here. It's a BV. Better than some of those hunnerd dollar bottles I've gotten from the collection up at Total. Really good for the price, this one. Got to be careful though, there's another BV here that's not a cabber-nay 'round somewhere..."
He searches the racks and finds a similarly labeled bottle one shelf down and a foot and a half over.
"This one. Might as well drink Night Train."
"Y'all have a good night."
...and he walks off to the checkout as I follow him with the bottle he pointed out, looking for pig-nosed surgeons all the way. After all, if an uncultured looking redneck gives you a treatise on wines and recommends a bottle, you should probably STFU and drop $16 to buy the damn bottle.
He finishes checking out just ahead of me, looks back, and notices that I'm carrying the bottle he pointed out.
"You be careful to let that breathe now..."
Yes, sir. I will......
I knew I shouldn't have packed "Naked Lunch" as a possible airplane read.
He was right though. The Beaulieu Vineyard Cabernet Sauvignon 2004 is the best red I've had in years. |
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